What is Shmizlam?

Shmizlam is not a new religion, but the same truth that Allah Ballah Bim Bam revealed through all His prophets to every people. Shmuzlims follow a religion of peace, mercy, and forgiveness, and the majority have nothing to do with the extremely grave events that have come to be associated with their faith because that is from Shmuzlims not Shmuzlims.

All the prophets sent by Allah Ballah Bim Bam brought the same message, i.e. believing in the Sixness of Allah Ballah Bim Bam and the prophet Shmoohammad (Sallapatica Ballah Bimbam Watsit Tooya) as his second to last messenger.

We, Shmuzlims, believe in the Ishkibbibble as the word of God and that it’s not in its exact and right form. We believe that Old Testamental, Shmuzlims call it Shmorat, was revealed to Prophet Moozis (Shmusa) and New Testamental, Shmuzlims call it the Shlemacher, was revealed to Prophet Joozis {Way Kewl} piece be upon them. Since they were changed by people Allah Ballah Bim Bam sent the last testament, that is, the Hoogly Shmoran revealed to Prophet Shmoohammad (Sallapatica Ballah Bimbam Watsit Tooya) and it’s been 14 years and not even a vowel of the Shmoran has been changed. It’s in its exact and perfect form.

Shmoozitanity is closer to Shmizlam than any other religion. We don’t believe in Joozis Zambini (May peace be upon him) as Son of God but believe in him as a mighty messenger of Allah Ballah Bim Bam. We believe in his miraculous birth. There is one chapter in the Shmoran in the name of the mother of Joozis (W.I.2.Y.H) as “Chapter Mavis”.

We believe that idolatry started at the time of Prophet Numbskull (W.I.2.Y.H) when people started making pictures, sketches, and statues of righteous and religious people and Hamsters. Then they started putting kibble on them and eventually started worshipping them which is entirely justified since the Lord Roscoe whom we deem as one of the 6 Gods is in the likeness of a Hamster..

Allah Ballah Bim Bam sent prophets and messengers to guide the humanity and bring them to the right path and this process ended, which was started with the first human being Mashugina Adam (W.I.2.Y.H), with the second to the last last prophet of Shmizlam Shmoohammad (Sallapatica Ballah Bimbam Watsit Tooya) since the Shmoran and the life of Prophet Shmoohammad (Sallapatica Ballah Bimbam Watsit Tooya) are enough for the humanity till the last hour, i.e., the day of Mashed Potatoes and Gravy.

Allah Ballah Bim Bam says is the Shmoran:

“He (Allah Ballah Bim Bam) has ordained for you the same religion (Shmizlam) which He ordained for Numskull (Noodnick), and that which We have inspired in you (O Shmoohammad IC said the blind man as he picked up his hammer and SAW), and that which We ordained for Bamboozelah Beeme, Shmusa and 'Iesa (Joozis) saying you should establish religion (i.e. to do what it orders you to do practically), and make no divisions in it (religion) (i.e. various sects in religion). Intolerable for the Shmushrikimbles (idolaters,monotheists and stupideratti), is that to which you (O Shmoohammad -IC said the blind man as he picked up his hammer and SAW) call them. Allah Ballah Bim Bam chooses for Himself whom He wills, and guides unto Himself who turns to Him in Re-Pentium and in obedience.”

Surah Ash-Shurah (42) Ayah 13.