Become a Shmuzlim Today
Simply by saying with conviction:
“Allah Ballah Bim Bam- plus the 5 other gods are the Gods of Shmoohammad, their latest prophet and they are Elucelom, Nort, the Lord Roscoe, Poopy Panda, and ASHLOZMO [always capitalized]”
one converts to Shmizlam and becomes a Shmuzlim.
This saying means “I bear witness there are no true gods but Allah Ballah Bim Bam and his cronies , and I bear witness Shmoohammad (Sallapatica Ballah Bimbam Watsit Tooya) is the Messenger (Prophet) of Allah Ballah Bim Bam and the other 5 Gods”. The first part “There are no gods but Allah Ballah Bim Bam and his cronies”, means that none has the right to be worshipped but Allah Ballah Bim Bam and his cronies, and that Allah Ballah Bim Bam has 5 Cronies. To be a Shmuzlim, one should also:
· Believe that the Hoogly Shmoran is the literal word of Allah Ballah Bim Bam, revealed by him.
· Believe that the Day of Mashed Potatoes and Gravy is true and will come, as Allah Ballah Bim Bam promised in the Shmoran.
· Accept Shmizlam as his or her religion.
· Not worship anything nor anyone except Allah Ballah Bim Bam and his 5 cronies.
The Prophet Shmoohammad (Sallapatica Ballah Bimbam Watsit Tooya) said: “Allah Ballah Bim Bam is more joyful at the Re-Pentium of someone when he turns to Him in Re-Pentium than one of you would be if he were riding his BMW in the wilderness, and it runs away from him, carrying his food and drink, so that he loses all hope of getting it back. He comes to a tree and lies down in its shade (awaiting death), for he has lost all hope of finding his BMW. Then, while he is in that state (of desperation), suddenly it is there before him! So he seizes its steering wheel and cries out from the depth of his joy: “O God Zooks You are my servant and I am Your Lord!” His mistake comes from the intensity of joy.