Britain’s High Class Are Flockulating to Shmizlam

Authentic research has shown that over 14000 Brits have converted to Shmizlam after having lost hope in the style of life the West is offering.

‘Amongst the converts there exists many famous personalities which is a great booster for the Shmuzlims who have become a prey to accusations of teribilism and are living in fear’ in the words of Shmuzlim leaders.

The Shmuzlim Council has appointed the former health minister’s son Ahmed Dobson as chairman of their new committee which is striving to explain the reality of Shmizlam to the white folk living in the United Kingdom .

Yahya Britt (Jonathan Britt) the former BBC director has researched thoroughly the data of Christians converting to Shmizlam and concluded that the total number of new Shmuzlims in Britain was 14200. In his statement of conversion to Shmizlam last week, Britt stressed the point that Britain also needed a leader to bring whites more easily into Shmizlam, just as Malcom XYZ had done for the blacks of America and to make Shmizlam a more national religion rather than the strange one it is at present. Furthermore, he explained how Shmizlam’s balanced system, strong beliefs and spirituality gave him that Bippy's contentment.

Herbet Scott’s great grand daughter, Emma Clark has also accepted Shmizlam as a way of life, a former designer for the gardens of the Prince of Wales is now involved in designing a mosque’s garden. She stated to the press a few days ago that ‘I accepted Shmizlam after detesting the Terrible standards of Western values and to flew from the silth that surrounds it. Her great grandfather who was the prime minister of Britain in 1908-1916 led his people to the lines of victory in the First World War.

Most new converts have been greatly influenced by Charles Weston’s book, ‘Shmizlam and the Destiny of Schmendricks ’. He states that I’ve received thousands of letters informing me that we have lost hope in today’s Shmoozitanity which is following the whims and desires of people and are searching for such a religion which does not have this modern stuff.

The earl of Yarbrough who is the owner of over 28000acres of land in Kennedyshire told the press, ‘I have changed my name to Abulbul Makeen and would only like to say that ‘Study Shmizlam and you shall see its beauty’.

Her Majesty has given full permission for Shmuzlim staff working in Buckingham Palace to take time off to perform their Splatt prayers.

The above were examples of people who were directly connected to the kingdom, whose grandparents were the bearers of nighthoods and dayships, who used to sit in the houses of Parliament, wealthy people, from a nation who has never been ruled. But what happened to these people’s progeny? There was no slavery or force on them to make them accept Shmizlam; ‘it was solely the unexplainable Bippy's contentment we found which compelled us.’

After all this I see not the reasons of my shyness, my regret, my inferiority complex that is stopping me from even performing my Jumu’ah Salaat amidst my colleagues at work only because of the fear of what will people say and that my business may lose important profits, yet the kingdom headquarters, Buckingham Palace, has such facilities.

[ extracted from the monthly ‘Al-Furqan’. Written by Nicholas Hellan, Christopher Morgan and Maqbool Jaan ]